Finding Myself Again After Postpartum 💗

Let me tell y'all something...

Becoming a mom changed me in ways I was NOT ready for.

Not just my body.

Me.

I remember looking in the mirror after giving birth and thinking:

“Girl... who is that?”

I was nearly 300 pounds. The biggest I had ever been. My stomach looked different. My face looked different. My clothes felt different. But the hardest part wasn't even the weight.

I didn't recognize myself anymore.

And if I'm being honest, this wasn't the first time I'd struggled with my body. My relationship with my weight started way before motherhood. 

Before I Was Somebody's Mama...

Growing up as a Rwandan American , my weight was ALWAYS being watched.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Watched by family. By boys at school, by people who didn't know me. And sometimes, nobody had to say anything. The looks were loud enough.

I was around 200 pounds in high school, and if you've ever been the girl who didn't fit the “skinny” mold, you already know how that feels.

I was tired of being called fat. Tired of feeling ugly. Tired of feeling like I had to shrink myself to be considered desirable.

Eventually, I said:

Fuck that.

Graduating high school felt like freedom. I thought I was finally leaving all that noise behind.

But chillee… life had OTHER plans.

COVID hit. 😂

College went online, I didn't have a car, and Uber was definitely NOT in the budget. So your girl WALKED.

To the bus. From the bus. To the grocery store.

Because… what else was I finna do? 😭

                                                                                         I was broke and just trying to survive freshman year. But all that walking was changing my body without me even realizing it.

2019: 220 lbs.
2020: 195 lbs.
2021: 150 lbs.
Girl…

ONE-FIFTY?!

Even my mama was like, “Are you sick?” 😂

Suddenly, my clothes were fitting GOOD. I was getting attention. I felt prettier. I felt wanted. I felt like I was finally being picked.

And honestly?

I felt INVINCIBLE.

But looking back, I realize I had attached my worth to my weight. When I got smaller, I felt like people finally saw me differently.

And at the time?

I loved it.

Then…

I got into a relationship.

And whew.

That's when I started losing myself again.

Love Had Me Eating GOOD… TOO Good. 😂

I'm not here to bash my daughter's father. But that relationship taught me a lot about myself.  I poured into the relationship and slowly stopped pouring into me. We ate out. We cooked constantly. We got comfortable. And before I knew it:

190.

Then 200.

Then…

230. 😭

And pregnancy?

It had me in a CHOKEHOLD.

The cute baby bump quickly turned into throwing up, exhaustion, and wearing sweats and dresses every day. By the end, my face and body looked completely different.

       I was READY for that baby to GET OUT. 😭Then she finally arrived.        And while I was grateful for an easy birth, I looked down and saw a   body I barely recognized.

    Stretch marks.

Cellulite.

Loose skin.

A belly that looked nothing like before.

I became obsessed with getting my old body back.

But what I really wanted back was ME.

I just didn't know how to say that yet.    

Postpartum Had Me GOING THROUGH IT.

That first year was HARD.

My daughter needed me constantly, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, running on little sleep, and trying to figure out who I even was now.

And my health?

Dead last on the list.

I'd try working out, but I couldn't stay consistent. My confidence disappeared. I'd get dressed, do my hair, look in the mirror…

And yes, I loved my baby. I was grateful for her.

But I was struggling.

And then I felt guilty for struggling.

“You have a healthy baby. Why aren't you just happy?”

Eventually, I learned something that changed everything:

Two things can be true.

I could love motherhood and still miss the woman I was before it.

I could be grateful for my body and still need time to accept what it had become.

My body had literally created a whole human.

Of course I was grateful.

But accepting the changes?

That took time.

        Then I Finally Said, “I Can't Do This Anymore.”

     By my daughter's first birthday, my confidence was at an all-time low. My relationship was falling apart, friendships were   changing, school was overwhelming, and I felt like I had   completely lost myself. Life was simply too damn much. Then one day, I looked in the mirror and screamed: “I CAN'T DO THIS NO MORE!” Something in me clicked.   

April 2025, I decided to take my health seriously.

Not because I wanted to punish my body.

And definitely not because I thought I had to be skinny to be worthy. I realized something:  I needed me too. My daughter will always be my priority. But I couldn't keep pouring into everybody else while completely neglecting myself.

     Taking care of myself wasn't choosing me over her.

It was finally understanding that I was worth taking care of, too.

So I started moving.

Gym a few days a week. More water. More walking.

Sometimes with my daughter. Sometimes with friends.

Hell, sometimes I walked 15 minutes to the corner store with my baby. 😂

It didn't have to be fancy.

It didn't have to be perfect.

I just had to move.

And for the first time in a long time, I wasn't just working on my body.

I was showing up for myself. 💗

     And That's Where LazyGirl Came From. 😂💗

Was I perfect?

Girl, please. 😂

I had lazy days. I skipped workouts. I ate the food. I got tired and unmotivated. But I always came back.

And that's what LazyGirl means to me.

It's not about being perfect. It's about understanding that LIFE be LIFING.

Some days you have 100%. Some days you have 20%.

And if 20% is all you've got?

Girl, I'm proud of you!

Take the walk. Drink the water. Stretch for five minutes. Make the healthier choice. Or just try again tomorrow.

It all counts.

Because consistency isn't doing everything perfectly. It's continuing to come back to yourself.

Fast forward to now…

By the time my daughter turned two, I'd lost 20 pounds and finally felt comfortable in my body again.

Eventually, I stopped seeing my stretch marks and cellulite as things I needed to hide. They became proof that my body carried my baby, changed, and kept going.

And I realized the weight loss wasn't the only thing I was gaining.

I was gaining confidence, energy, discipline, self-respect, and ME.

So yes…

279 → 198. 

81 pounds down.

And I'm DAMN proud of myself.

But the number isn't the whole story.

Finding myself again is.

And I did it on my terms.

No surgery. No crash diets. No cutting out everything I love.

I learned to make small changes, enjoy my food, enjoy my life, have lazy days, miss workouts, and still keep going.

Because this isn't about becoming a completely different woman.

It's about reconnecting with the woman I already am.

That's why I created The LazyGirl Method. 💗

For the moms. The girls starting over. The ones who've fallen off. The ones who keep saying, “I'm starting Monday.” 😂

You don't have to wait until you've lost the weight, got the money, or got your whole life together to start feeling good again.

Start right where you are.

Take the walk. Drink the water. Do your hair. Put on the outfit. Rest when you need to. Try again when you fall off.

Sometimes finding yourself again isn't some dramatic transformation.

Sometimes it's just that little moment when you look in the mirror and realize:

“Oh… there she is.”

And if you've been feeling like you've lost yourself…

My love, she's still in there.

You just gotta find your way back.

Welcome to The LazyGirl Method—

where progress is real, wellness fits into real life, and we're learning how to take care of ourselves without losing ourselves in the process.

Come find your way back with me, Sistaaa. 💗